Fear

I hold onto you to stop you falling and breaking.
You feel so fragile to me like a porcelain pot that I treaure so dearly.
Will you not understand me and try to comprehend what I was
and am instead of trying to force your own identity onto me,
to change me into something i am not.
Hell is others.
I am not others.
I am me to be me.
Always me.
But scared to be me.
Afraid.
Always afraid.
Always having someone before me.
I do not want to stand in their way,
or to stop them from doing what they want to do.
To hurt their feelings.
Is it always at the expense of what I want to do?
I feel I owe them their freedom,
but do I not also owe myself some ounce of freedom?
Am I such a prick?
An idiot?
No!! Maybe, I should stop thinking of other people first?
Maybe? Maybe?
It would change me a lot.
Is it fear or really love for you?
I do not know.
I know my body feels so tense and cannot move around you for fear of your reaction,
and for fear that our closest ones will get hurt.

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